there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
