I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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