You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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