so that wasnt chicken after all
too bad you live with your parents still
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
