I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
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