It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
