D3 body, D1 cock
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
