just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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