Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
