i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
