you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
