No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
