In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
