Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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