i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Randomize
