if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
