i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
