we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
