Is it normal to miss your booty call?
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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