We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
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He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
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I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
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