Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
