Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize