like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
