k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
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