sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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