Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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