you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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