Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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