i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
