He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
