It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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