I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
