Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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