i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Randomize
