You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
