First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
