I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
They took my balls.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
