i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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