Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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