I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
