He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
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I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost the right to judge tonight
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
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