I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
