My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize