I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
