dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
