i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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