is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Randomize
