I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
