Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
