He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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