so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
