put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
