D3 body, D1 cock
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
