Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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