Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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