you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Green mimosas i think yes
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
