I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
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