He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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