I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
