The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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