Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
