Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
