it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Randomize
