SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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