i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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