go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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