bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.