Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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