thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
