if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
