The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Randomize
