dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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