I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
