So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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