i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
You're like the curious george of whores
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
