So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
