I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
