wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
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Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
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Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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