So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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